Note, for when I get my libido back!
Day 10: All I want to do is go somewhere isolated, listen to the Death discography and pretend I don’t exist for a while. All whilst thinking about how beautiful a person Chuck was and how I hope to be more like him.
what i have learned from talking about my feelings
- it’s better to not talk about my feelings
life hack: remember to compliment people on qualities other than their looks. remind them of their kindness, thoughtfulness, and intelligence. tell them about how powerful and capable they are.
I have made a conscious decision to stop taking my anti-depressant medication since my break up and I don’t know whether I’m withdrawing from them or just grieving. Either way I’ve become suicidal and lost and it’s really hard to see the light. I am too scared to talk to anyone, I’m paranoid. I’m considering swimming into the ocean at night and seeing what happens. If I make it through this, I will know i’m stronger than I think I am. If not, then I wasn’t. But that’s okay because I have been blessed to have the greatest gift in life anyone can have. To love and be loved in return. And it doesn’t get any better than that and I am grateful that I got that chance even if the end of it ruins me.
Day 9: Haven’t cried today. My stomach feels in knots and still cannot eat. At least I’ve lost 5kg this week.